I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize