she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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