I will die if light touches me.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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