Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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