My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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