dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize