i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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