i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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