i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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