Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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