Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize