alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
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i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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