Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize