u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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