now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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