She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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