She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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