He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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