Just fell off a train. Bad.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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