I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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