he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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