I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize