I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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