i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize