Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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