i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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