I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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