You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize