3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize