If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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