Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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