Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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