Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
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I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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