The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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