so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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