she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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