In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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