get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
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Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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