Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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