We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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