so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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