the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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