My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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