Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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