I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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