arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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