Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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