1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize