tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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