Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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